welcome message

Nov 3, 2010 - Update! R.I.P. Prop 19. We barely knew you.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Happy Weed Wednesday! New Blog, Weed Etiquette, and More!

        Hello everybody! I'm truly sorry for the delay in posting.  I had to take care of a few personal matters.  The good news is, during my time away, I planned out many exciting ideas for a series of new blogs that I will be creating over the next few days/weeks.

        Before I get back to weed business, I'd like to announce that the first of these blogs is ready for unveiling!


        As you can probably tell, the content will not be related to marijuana culture, but rather 80's and 90's popular culture, etc.  Nonetheless, I hope that you will find it enjoyable!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

        With that taken care of, let's move on to some fun stuff.  I'm going to try to make up for my lack of posting in the past few days by having a longer than usual post today.

        I've realized that there may be some novice smokers in the building, so here's a short guide to Smoking Etiquette, from the book Everything About Pot That We Could Remember, which I highly recommend.



        We Marijuana-loggers feel that marijuana smokers havea bad reputation. They're usually thought of as lazy and dim-witted. Why, this couldn't be further from the tooth. There is actually a strict code of discipline that pot smokers must firmly adhere to. Here are the highlights from an actual webpage from an authority known as "Scooter 512" (or something like that - it could have been "Scooter 513" or "Bandit 300"- lets not get hung up on details, okay?)


Rule Number One: If someone rolls a nice joint, it's good to give the person a compliment on their rolling skills. Something like, "Thats some tight shit, buddy!"
Rule Number 2: Always remember to thank the person who has gotten you high. Unless it was really killer weed, in which case it is perfectly acceptable to forget to say thank you
Rule Number C: Never make your smoke out to be better than it really is. This gets everybody's hopes up just to be let down. Don't go bragging about how you got the Chronic, and then whip out the Down Town Brown on everyone's ass! People hate that. Especially us.
Rule Number 14: It is very impolite to hand someone an empty bowl without notifying that person of its potential emptyosity. A proper warning would be, Here ya go... I think it might be cashed. Go ahead give it a try, see what happens. We're all pulling for you. Good Luck."
Rule Number Seven: When rolling a joint, don't ever pack a seed. Instead, pack a lunch. It will come in very handy later. Make sure you pack enough to share.
Rule Number 8: You have to allot at least seven and three-quarters minutes of fake interest in the person supplying the weed. Say something nice about them or stuff, like, "Cool pipe," or, "Wow, that's a neat lizard."
Rule Number 9: I'm glad your cousin works in a movie theater and let you sit in the projection room once when you were visiting him in Phoenix last summer... but what you should really do is take a hit and pass the pipe already.
Rule Number 10: If you're getting high with someone and they ask for a sip of your drink, you must give them some. Dry mouth is not fucking funny. In fact, if left untreated, it can lead to the dreaded cottonmouth. Which without immediate hydration, can turn into full blown Old Man's Ass Mouth.
Rule Number Next One: It is not cool to criticize people's weed in front of them. Example, "Hey, no thanks. I'd rather smoke horse puke than your low quality shit weed. Thanks for offering though." Don't do that. it hurts.
Rule Number Yellow: Hey don't push anyone to smoke pot with you. It's cool to offer weed to your new neighbor, but if they refuse, back off. In other words don't do this. "Hey, Mr. Johnson, this is your new neighbor. You're about to smoke pot whether you want it or not. So get over here and suck on my bong!" Don't do that. It's pushers that make marijuana illegal. And politics. And Laws. Mostly laws.
Rule Number Unicorn: Pass the j clockwise, always clockwise. (That means the direction a clock goes.)  (Blogger's note: Remember, as Beyonce says, TO THE LEFT, TO THE LEFT).
Rule Number %: Never Bogart. But if you supply the weed you can Baccall us anytime. (If you didn't get that, ask an old person to explain it to you.)
A Rule That Rhymes: When smoking a bowl with other smokers, remember this saying: Don't be mean, leave some green.
A Rule About Roaches: Don't eat them. It doesn't get you high it just makes you look like a hobo.
A Rule That Is So Obvious It Shouldn't Even Be A Rule But Here It Is: Don't get your spit all over the pipe, bong, or joint. Remember, your bodily fluids are disgusting, so please don't force them upon others.
Rule Number 8,763: Dude, don't be a dick and spill the bong water. It smells like Cheech's Ass.
Rule Number 1.2 Million: Please do not, while getting stoned in a canoe, stand up. You may drown. Or Worse, spill the bong water into the lake.
Rule Number Chimp: The person who rolls the joing (no matter whose weed it is) gets to spark up the joint and gets first hits.
Rule Number Cider-House: If you're getting high in your house with someone, offer them some snacks if you have any. If you don't, that's cool. It's not cool that you don't have food, but its cool if you don't offer. Cause you don't have any.
Rule Number Finally: And perhaps the most important rule of them all - according to "Scooter 512" - if three guys write a somewhat padded out sincere book entirely about marijuana, maybe you should get them high if ever your paths should cross in a comedy club or a dirty back alley.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


        And now, I'd like to start a tradition that hopefully I'll carry on throughout the life of this blog.  Every Wednesday (or maybe more often), I'll be recommending various things to keep you entertained during your high. ;D


Movie Recommendation: Trainspotting

        Many of you were disappointed that I didn't put Trainspotting on my list of top 5 stoner movies of all time.  As mentioned, I have a predisposition for comedies, but even I had to admit, Trainspotting is a damned good movie.  The movie follows a group of heroin addicts in early 1990's economically-depressed Edinburgh and their passage through life.  We watch as the central character, Mark Renton goes from questioning the banalities of modern-day suburbia to accepting his fate and attempting to give up his heroin habit.  The film won an Oscar and was voted as one of the top 10 British films of all time.  It has now become a cult classic, verifying the the common person's fascination with drug and specifically, the dark and mysterious lives of heroin addicts.  If you still need more reason to see this movie...well, just watch the damn trailer!


Click here to download (torrent) movie.  (Use VLC Media Player to play).



Music Recommendation: Trainspotting Soundtrack

        Yup, a little uncreative I know, but trust me, the soundtrack to this movie is fucking great.  Filled with everything from legends like Lou Reed, Iggy Pop, and Brian Eno to modern day music geniuses like Daman Albarn.  I've selected one of my favorite tracks of all times: Underworld by Born Slippy (doubles as both a chill song and something to dance to).  If you're interested in listening to the entire soundtrack, I've provided a download link.


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That's all for today folks.  Hope you enjoyed and sorry again for the delay!



On a side note, I'm looking for some help with some technical issues of Blogspot.  If anyone is pro at this, can you send me an email at homealonestoned@gmail.com.  It would be much appreciated, thanks!

29 comments:

  1. Oh stoney my friend, it is so good to have you back! You've missed much, but nothing that isn't archived for future revolutionaries. Just... Excellent post. Wonderfully written, had me laughing several times. Outloud. Alone. ... What was I saying? Oh, right, the blog. IT's damn good man.

    "Don't ever pack a seed. Instead, pack a lunch. It will come in very handy later."

    A particularly lovely line :) As is Trainspotting, a must see for anybody with an IQ over 120, or likewise anybody on drugs.

    -JKane

    ReplyDelete
  2. heh I used to do a magazine column on pot ettiquette... cool to see others doing the same!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I lawled hard at Rule Number Unicorn :P

    ReplyDelete
  4. Great post man. Keep in touch... Look forward to more.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I would like to add: NEVER BLOW INTO A BONG. BAD THINGS HAPPEN.

    ReplyDelete
  6. A very interesting read - some things I've never considered, some things I wish everyone knew. :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. I guess im an angelic smoker then lol

    ReplyDelete
  8. Trainspotting was entertaining

    following and supporting ;)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Pass the bud to the nigga on yo left, you fucking up the rotation!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Awesome post man, I enjoyed reading it all.

    ReplyDelete
  11. great post and thx for this infromations ^^

    ReplyDelete
  12. Really good posts, lots of interesting stuff.

    ReplyDelete
  13. i hate kids who dont throw down at all and fucking sneak extra hits. even if im not smoking and i notice that shit.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Longest weed post ever..what are your thoughts on coke?

    ReplyDelete
  15. Thanks for the tips; I just started getting into the stuff and don't know the ropes, so to speak.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I like the way you designed your blog :)

    ReplyDelete
  17. humm.. thanks for 'weed wendsday' and.. i guess u might have too

    ReplyDelete
  18. lol good rules, i live by many of them :D

    ReplyDelete
  19. bahaha so after reading this i had to copy it and send to my friend hahaha good stuff man!

    ReplyDelete